Song of the…

“Made Up My Mind”- Lyfe Jennings

love him… he’s so raw.

“Hopefully they will see how much they really be discouraging a lil old sinner like me.”

Did you know…

about Google Books?! It’s amazing! Basically, there are different terms of copyright for each book but some books’ copyright laws are more loose than others or some have downright expired! Thus, FREE BOOKS!!! I might just be excited because I’m an English Major, or I might be excited because it’s exciting! Either way, check it out… Here’s one I’m reading right now for school!

Wish I were going… but Geaux Saints!!!

This article is amazing. Check it out! Hilarious… and true!

Song of the…

Some of my faves. I’d love to do this every day, week, post, update, but knowing me, I’ll just update this whenever I feel like it… lol. Hence, this is the song of the…

This one in particular is one of my “go to” songs when things just ain’t right… works like a charm. Every. single. time.

“Closer” by Goapele

Check back often for updates!

Every book…

You already know how I feel about this!!! lol

“We read that, and we read that too. I wish I could read every book in the world.”

Lessons

I’m not going to make any blogful promises that I can’t keep, but for real this time, I want to do this portion of my blog every week(ish)! Notice, I didn’t say I WILL do it every week, I said I want to! lol… But I’m learning so much and growing so much that many, if not all, of the lessons are worth sharing. Here are some from recent weeks and days:

• “Grown” is a subjective term used by each party for convenience. “Grown” infers independence, but we’re all interdependent by design. Everybody will always need somebody. So nobody is ever “grown.”
• Just because someone saw something special in you and decided to step out on faith to give you an opportunity does not mean that you shouldn’t try to pay it forward… but it also doesn’t mean that you’ve got to pay it forward to the first person you see who wants the same opportunity that you were so blessed to receive. Such choices affect more than just yourself. Everybody deserves opportunity, but everybody doesn’t deserve every opportunity.
• Always always always get a police report at a car accident. (don’t ask).
• Don’t ignore old problems as if they’ll disappear. Most likely, while you’re turning the other cheek, those problems are multiplying.
• Don’t take your education for granted. Just as quickly as you were given the wherewithal to pursue it… it can all vanish. Like that. (snap).
• Friends are everything. Absolutely everything. Like. Everything.
• You may be the best for someone you care about, but they may not be the best for you. And that’s okay.
• Privilege is real. Money dictates everything and can impede processes you deserve but can’t afford.
• I think I am a socialist at heart. Maybe even a communist… but both without the totalitarian regime.
• “-isms” blow. All of them… racism, classism, ageism, government -isms (capitalism, egalitarianism, communism, socialism, totalitarianism), egoism, nihilism, eurocentrism, afrocentrism, geocentrism, individualism,  and the list goes on and on and on.
• Time flies when you’re having fun. And even when you’re not.
• You can’t look for love, but you can prepare for it. That way, when you and love meet, there’s no excuse to not go deeper, harder, stronger, better, longer, smarter, and more beautiful that you did the last time. It could be the last time… if you’re lucky. So be ready. Always.
• Men lie. About dumb stuff. Still.
• I still don’t know when to capitalize and not capitalize “Black” when referring to race and people. Maybe it’s a psychological thing… or a “to each his own” thing. But ironically, or not so ironically, I never capitalize white.
• Bandwagons exist… and they’re subtle, but sometimes overt. Either way, stay off of them. They crash every single time.
• Prayer is as essential as air.

I said this one day in highschool a loooong time ago, but shout out to the homies for remembering…

“Experience is my teacher, but curiosity is my principle.”… hence the lessons.

-me, lol

i know i know… who quotes themselves? but, whatev…

You ever…

You ever feel like your heart may be TOO big?

Like the kind of big where any and everything can hurt you? If you let it. And sometimes you do. The kind of big where you take on people’s pains, heartaches, struggles, fears, responsibilities and/or the stress that comes with managing them all, to the point that it overwhelms, and potentially consumes, you? Well, all that in addition to the pains, heartaches, struggles, fears, responsibilities, and the stress that comes with managing them, of your own? The kind of big where you can’t help but think of other people, domestic and international, whose problems are so much worse than yours that you sometimes neglect your own because you feel guilty for tending to them when their most basic needs aren’t met? The kind of big where the inability to solve everything, fix  all things, and love everyone is so daunting that sometimes all you can think to do is cry?

No?

okay.

good.

“The Kite Runner”

You MUST see this movie. Like. You must. It is epic. Long story short, it’s one story about one family affected by the turmoil in Afghanistan. Short story long, it’s about you, me, and our responsibility… worldwide.

My most favorite class I’ve ever taken, ever, was during the first semester of my freshman year in college. It was taught by Dr. Pamela Scully, unbeknownst to her, one of my sheroes. The class was AFS 190, a freshman seminar, entitled “Violence and Memory in Contemporary Africa.” The first day, I’ll never forget, she, a 6 foot tall thin blonde woman with a “weird” accent says… “Hello class, welcome. My name is Dr. Pamela Scully, but I believe that if you need the word ‘doctor’ in front of your name to gain respect, then you’ve already lost the battle. So just call me ‘Pamela.’” From then on, I knew that class would change me. And it did.

Pamela is why I’m an African Studies minor, and she’s why I lived in South Africa for six months, and she’s how I knew law was the profession for me. It’s too tough, and actually impossible, to retell what we discussed everyday during the fall of 2006… but let’s just say, I wept every single class period. We discussed almost every senseless and heinous crime in contemporary Africa and how and/or why it manifested. After learning that over 100,000 people were slaughtered in Rwanda in about 30 days at the hands of a few hundred men… in 1994, I lost it. I thought about how I was six at the time, with a three year old brother, living an amazing childhood replete with food, clothes, shelter, toys, school, and anything else I needed and wanted. And I thought about how my parents were grown in their 30’s with awesome jobs, the Olympics approaching Atlanta soon, and I thought and thought and thought. And I vowed to myself, silently, but emphatically, that over my dead body would I be able-bodied, with a voice and a purpose, and allow such a thing to happen EVER again. Anywhere in the world, especially during my lifetime. I could not believe that America knew, read, heard, listened, and saw those people dying. And did nothing. How inhumane. I promised I’d be that one person to make the difference. To speak up. To do better. I just knew I wouldn’t be one of those people.

And then… we have Sudan. And Uganda. And North Korea. And Afghanistan. And Iraq. And. America. And I feel like crap for not keeping my word. This movie is soooo important to see. As the desensitized Americans we are, we need personalized depictions. We need individuals. We need one story about one person and one life to realize how certain things affect the whole. So here it is. Here’s your Afghanistan 101. It’s not about the history, it’s not about the emergence of the troubles, and it’s not about the politics. It’s about the most important parts. It’s about the people.

I don’t know what my point is. I don’t know what I want, or what I expect… of you, or myself. But I know that once you know, you’re accountable. Once we become privy to information, we can’t ignore it anymore. Well, we can, but it becomes a choice. We can no longer say we didn’t know. As one of my favorite Christian artists says of her time at a Ugandan orphanage, “now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead” -Brooke Fraser. And with that, keep in mind Alice Walker’s June Jordan-inspired quote, “we are who we’ve been waiting for.”

So see it.  We’re grown now. We’re not six anymore. And nothing against our parents, but whether they knew or not, the didn’t know what to do next. And neither do I. But the whole point of story-telling, and studying history, and learning about the mistakes of others, is that we don’t make them again. So we may not know what to do, but we know what NOT to do. And here we are… doing it. Sudan is Rwanda number 2. but worse. And Afghanistan may just be the name of that place on the news with the Taliban and the insurgents, but six year olds live there too.

We can’t do everything, but we can do something. so… can we? do something? anything?

Do you ever wonder….

about yourself? I mean, of course we do. But do you ever feel yourself slipping away? Like you’re on the verge of becoming someone you don’t know. Or someone you’re not supposed to be. Or someone sub-par? It’s petrifying.

Anyone who knows me, knows how I feel about my study abroad experience. Without a doubt, I was my happiest I think I’ve ever been, ever, in Cape Town. I was at peace, I was serving people, I was worshiping, I was giving, I was living. I was doing everything I wanted to do… and all in light of Him. It was that intangible balance between practicing what you preach, and enjoying every moment… proven to be quite tangible. It’s real.

And I kick myself everyday for not holding onto myself in that form, and bringing her back to the states with me. That was a year ago, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. I read my Cape Town blog and I miss her. I was so different. But I was myself. And I don’t know what about this country makes it so difficult for me to be her. I mean, aside from the sex, drugs, violence, poverty, inequity, corruption, and all the “-isms” that are America… it cannot be that difficult. lol.

Even the simple stuff, the things that were once innate and mechanical day-t0-day happenings have fallen by the wayside for me. Stuff like reading my Bible. I used to do it multiple times a day. Everday. and now… ugh. I’ve just got to do better. Period.

Idk… just as a form of self-analysis. Check yourself every now and then to be sure you are you want to be, which should be who He wants you to be. I’m not. And I’ve gotta fix it. Starting now.

Quote of the Day:

The  guilt that comes with privilege is one like no other.